Going to the other side…

Settle down ladies…not that other side.

I have to thank DL and Talli one more time for that wonderful blogfest. It got me back into what I love so much. I was able to meet new and interesting people and it forced me to browse around and comment. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That’s just what I needed.

I did notice something while meandering around other writers blogs though. There are a lot of fantasy and YA writers out there. I was reading one particular blog when it occurred to me that my mind may be somewhat warped, and I even commented about my mini epiphany. I have a lot of epiphanies don’t I?

Sangu @ Echoes of a Wayward Mind, was talking about a dream that she had one night. It was this wonderful fantasy dream, and then she asked what our dreams were like. As I thought about it, I realized that while reading about her dream, I had a smile on my face and I was so relaxed being sucked into her little fantasy world. Then I had to think about the way I dream.

I was immediately horrified by the revelation. I commented that my dreams are always very dark and scary, but at the same time they are absolutely amazing, and they come in great detail and vibrant color. I personally love my dreams but that’s because I have a little March hare in me. There are always animals, buildings or houses with multiple levels, numbers and water in every dream I have. I am always panicked or scared, and of course running from something, running to something, or looking for something (sometimes my children) in a mad frenzy.

For instance, last night I dreamt that I found a house for rent that wasn’t necessarily what I wanted but it would have to do. It had multiple floors, the bottom being all tattered and damaged with the tile floors being broken and sunk in to the ground, red carpeting in some rooms and water dripping from some unknown place, some of it collecting in certain areas on the floor in puddles. As I went up, the levels got nicer and the colors changed with numbers in odd places. By the time I reached the top floor, I see a huge loft space and it’s amazing. I won’t go into the details because it’s not the point of this post, but I was also looking for someone. I don’t know who, but it was someone. I knew I felt like I didn’t want to live in this house because the bottom floor was so trashed, but then I thought to myself, well, I’ll just stay on the other levels and fix the broken stuff. This is the most mellow dream I have but I have it often and in different scenarios. Anyway…

My dreams have maintained their content and feeling since I was a little girl. Except I wasn’t looking for my children then because I didn’t have any as a tot obviously, but they have always been dark, scary and very thought provoking. That’s the bottom line.

My mind has a mind of it’s own. It goes off on these twisted tangents to create story lines and characters that are absolutely appalling at times. I also write that way by nature if I don’t pay attention, but I really try to force myself to write in a more positive and happy content. I just don’t want to promote violence and distortion of the mind. Maybe that’s why I’m struggling so much with my writing. I don’t want to be dark and scary and twisted, because I can be twisted. It comes so easily. To try and curtail that, I have immersed myself in chick lit and I love it, I really do, but I am enthralled by horror, true crime, serial killers, just absolutely morbid shit. And I can’t get into a fantasy book to save my life. I’ve tried.

What scares me the most about all of this is that if I let go and stop controlling my writing so much I may go there and I won’t come back the same person; like I’ll go insane or something. Like for real insane though.

Most of the people I follow, that follow me and that I’m connected to, write happy, romantic, fantasy,  or funny, stuff. I’m afraid that if I write what comes naturally, that I won’t be able to live in a positive, spiritual manner. Those two things just don’t go together.

I know that I just need to write what comes naturally and let the story write itself, but it’s scary when you’re mind won’t cooperate with your need for peace, flowers and fairies.

Is there anyone out there who can relate to this?
Ok, I’m done freaking out now. Thanks for listening to me ramble…

Any suggestions?

~Live Happy

Significant Other Blogfest

     Hi people out there in blogger land . I’m Dave, Gina’s husband. First off I’d like to say that I support my wife in everything she does, more than I show her most of the time. She is incredibly smart and creative. I am really grateful for this opportunity to let her, and you people know this. Gina works very hard at her writing and does it so well. I love that there is a little piece of our lives out there floating around in cyberspace, even if it doesn’t pay the bills.

Gina is a great wife, mother, student, and writer among other things, and I know we will manage no matter what comes our way. I know that if I asked her to she would quit everything she is working so hard at and get some crappy office job for chicken scratch.

It’s not always sunshine and roses when you live with someone who gets lost in there writing and research as much as she does, but I’m usually at work when she does it and she always takes a break and meets me at the door when I get home with a big kiss.

Anyway thats all. This has taken me like a half hour because I type so slow and it’s time to make Enchiladas. see ya,  Dave

***Hi all! Thanks DL and Talli for hosting this blogfest. It’s been fun and I’m glad we did it because I never knew Dave felt this way. He’s not much of talker when it comes to stuff like this.

Thanks to all of you out there that choose to put up with us obsessed but driven writers. We need your support and encouragement.

Until later,
~Live Happy

Honesty or Stupidity?

Hello all! This post is going to be all about honesty; hopefully.

I know I have been a total slacker the last half of the year. I explained that I was busy at school, but that was only half true.

I also explained that I had a lot of other things going on in my life, but I didn’t want to splay it all out here for the world to read. Here’s why:

Do you ever surf around your homepage and look at all the news articles? Well, I do too and I would occasionally read about, ohhh let’s see, ummm, 10 things that could keep you from getting a good-paying job. The article might say things about what you should and should not post on your facebook and/or blog. Be aware of what pictures your posting, the content you write, etc, because once on the internet it’s there for life and it could keep you from your dream job. Ooooo, scary.

This kind of stuff keeps me from sharing about me and what’s happening on my side of the street because who likes to be judged? So I try to keep it on my writing and superficial crap. It’s also hard to write about something while you’re going through it because things aren’t quite clear yet and some things can be terrifying.

Well, it’s just not cutting the mustard for me anymore. Life is happening over here and it’s not just school. Sure we take trips and vacations and all that fun stuff, but shit happens that isn’t all that great either and I don’t mind sharing it with the world because it’s who I am and what I’m made of.

If I don’t get a job as a result of what I’m posting, well then I guess that’s all the better because I wouldn’t have wanted to work there anyway. Besides the fact that shit happens in everyone’s life no matter who you are, and I don’t mind sharing it, so that people can see that you can really get through anything and still have a good time through it.

In all honesty my path has taken a different direction as a result of my life experiences in the last year. I love to write and I miss posting here and connecting with people, but I have been afraid to share that because I don’t want to lose my writer pals.

From this day forward, this blog will be about a plethora of things. I cannot pin point one topic or niche. It’s not how I’m wired. It will be about whatever I feel like telling you, good, bad or indifferent. I’m not holding back anymore. If I am to be judged and shunned, then so be it. But I’ll be judged and shunned while being honest.

I don’t live a typical life and I don’t have a typical past. But I don’t think any of us do.

I don’t want this post to be too long and drawn out, I just wanted to prepare you guys for a bit of a change here. I’m still me, I’m still writing, but there is a lot more to me than that, and I would like to share if you’re willing to listen.

I’ll catch everyone up on the last year of my life, which isn’t all that exciting, but it’s what makes me who I am.

~Live Happy

Arrivederci 2010

Okay, this will be my last post for 2010.

I have to admit, I love New Year’s. I don’t make resolutions and I don’t make lists. They overwhelm me and I rebel against them. It’s just in my nature.

But I do sit down on New Year’s Eve and list all of the months of the year. Then I write what I can remember happened in each month. When I am finished with this [list], I am able to see all of the things that I have accomplished and all of the situations I have come through. I remember some heart wrenching months and realize that I made it through some things, that at the time, didn’t think I would get through.

I am also able to see that I am in a different place because it doesn’t always feel like anything has changed.

As I was perusing blogs this morning, I stopped by Meleah’s blog, and she is having a hard time coming up with New Year’s resolutions. As I was commenting on how I am going to remain the same and not set myself up like that, I realized that this will be the year of self-acceptance for me.

I don’t want to beat myself up anymore, I don’t want to stress about stupid shit anymore, I just want to enjoy my life and allow myself the natural process of things just as I am and not be afraid. I will do the best I can on a day to day basis. Some days I will be more able than others and that’s okay. This is where my New Year’s Eve list helps. I can look back through the year and see that I came through everything just fine, as I do every year, and there is NO REASON at all to stress and worry the way that I do.

Worrying and stressing changes nothing. As a matter of fact it makes things worse and much harder than they need to be. Not to mention the fact that it puts everyone around me on edge. That’s not very nice to do to people. So, yay for me on the revelation.

Now, I have three weeks left before I go back to school. I just went through all of my scribblings from story ideas and research that I have done throughout the last few years. I looked at what I have so far for my MS and realized I have everything I need. Mostly.

I did nothing but write for almost three years. Granted it wasn’t always on the same piece, there is a plethora of stories and articles, and of course time spent getting side tracked with research, but I saw that all I have to do is organize it. (Then edit and re-write and edit and re-write…). And as I started to do that, the ideas just kept coming, and I was of course side tracked from the entire purpose of why I was going through all of this paper; to get the office set up as a bedroom because my in-laws are coming to stay for the weekend.

I don’t expect to get this MS put together by the time I go back to school, but it feels good to know there is some semblance of completion around the corner. Or at least completion of a step in this long, long process of writing a book and getting it published.

I have had a pretty full year and I’m glad it’s over. But I am also grateful to see what I have learned about myself and that I can take this list, put a flame to it, say thanks, and let it all go.

What have you learned about yourself this past year?

I wish you all a Happy New Year and stay safe.

~ Live Happy

Paper v. Electronic v. People

It’s amazing all the changes that are taking place in the writing world because of the internet.

I do have to agree that it does save our trees to not use so much paper, but I really like having an actual book in my hands when I am reading.

I have also heard about the iPad becoming a student tool. Eventually all of the textbooks are going to be converted to electronic text books and all students will be required to purchase an iPad, but the books will be much cheaper.

The downside for me to E-text books is that when I am studying I find it easier to have everything in front of me with little colored tabs marking what material is where. I like to be able to flip back and forth to find things. On an electronic device you can’t do this. Maybe they will eventually come up with a solution to do this but who knows.?

With a book, if you’re looking for something you can thumb through until you find it. With an e-book, you have to type in a search term. But if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you have no way of finding anything without reading every single page that may be available.

I know that publishers are going out of business left and right but new jobs will be created. I mean someone will have to manage all of the internet files in whatever form they may be in. Their jobs will just be done on the computer with less paper surrounding them.

Now, in the court houses going electronic is a fantastic idea because there is so much paper that has to be saved for a thousand years, that would clean up much needed space. It’s also more difficult to go through a million files as opposed to going to the computer, typing in a case name and it pops up right away. Brilliant!

But the disadvantage to that is all of this flying all over cyberspace where any half-assed hacker could have access to. Not to mention the constant human error of e-mailing the wrong things to the wrong people.

It also appears to me that people have become socially retarded as a result of all the on-line capability. For instance, I haven’t received a bill yet to make a payment. Now call me old fashioned, but I still like to pay my bills by snail mail with a paper check. I just feel safer that way. Call me crazy. So I called the Harley Customer Service Center (which they need to rephrase Customer Service now) and he told me that I could go on line and just pay my bill there. I told him I don’t like to do that and he acted so irritated with me that I was even able to get through to him and past the automated bitch. Really??? What is this world coming to?

AND, when I am actually with people face to face, it seems that a majority of them sit there and text message or check their facebook status every 10 seconds. It’s seriously like sitting with a crack addict. They are surrounded my people and they would rather make stupid, irrelevant comments back and forth on the internet. Seriously??? Am I that uninteresting that you would rather stare at a computer screen? I know, I know, it’s not about me, but for christ sake!

Okay, sorry this turned into a rant, but I feel much better now that I got this off my chest.

What do you guys think about this whole shabang?

~Live Happy

Study, Study, Study…

Hi guys! Checking in once again. How is everyone? I would like everyone to know that I have been pounding away at the keyboard writing my arse off. But sadly, it hasn’t been on my book. I have been required to write an article every week for my English Comp. class in addition to an essay each month. I am currently working on my last one. It’s a literary analysis essay and I have never read more short stories in my life than I am now. I also have a 15 page dissertation due in less than a month for my psychology class and the the topic is serial killers. Ooooo, I’m looking forward to this one.

Although this hasn’t been preferred writing material, I have learned a lot in the past few months. Not saying my writing is any better, but my mind is. There is something to be said for ignorance though. When I don’t know the rules, I tend to be more carefree and uninhibited. Once I know the rules, I get somewhat paralyzed and tend to over analyze everything, question everything and think for everyone else. And the worst thing of all is, once you know something, you can’t not know. But I am writing, writing, writing.

My semester ends in the middle of December and I will have an entire month off before the next semester begins, so hopefully I will be more available here. I miss this terribly. I stop by your blogs and read what’s going on and it’s great to see that mostly everyone is still up and running.

Reading is something I have been doing a lot of lately too. I am reading a few books that I had missed in high school. I was busy doing other things so I’m playing catch up now. I have never read To Kill A Mockingbird so I thought I’d give it a whirl. I know it may disappoint and shock a few of you (okay, most of you) to know that I have never read this fine piece of literature, but I’m doing it now, so please stop throwing tomatoes at me. Next on the list is George Orwell’s 1984.

If anyone has short story suggestions for me to do my literary essay on, I would love to hear from you. If not, I’d love to hear from you anyway.

In my free time, I am going to the courthouse to sit in on murder cases going on in the neighborhood.  It’s not only good to do since I will be a lawyer’s right hand woman in the near future, but it has given me some great character ideas and story lines that I promise to share with you eventually. By the way, just in case you guys didn’t know, justice is so unjust sometimes and logic is not logical. Go figure.

~Live Happy

It’s Me Again

Hello again, my loyal blogosphere friends.
Since my last post I have been hard at work trying to figure out this whole school thing. Schedule, homework, studying, tests, kids, husband, finances, free time…ya know, that whole chestnut.

I took on four classes, which makes me a full time student. I didn’t think four classes was a big deal, I thought it would be a breeze. Well, let me tell you, it’s much harder than I thought it would be. College is different than high school, not that I was ever present in high school, but none the less, it’s different.

I have taken tons and tons of classes over the years. As most of you know, I have been a licensed esthetician, a licensed EMT and went halfway through medic school and took on-line writing courses, but taking classes to get an actual degree is a whole different ball game. I love, love, love it though.

As I sit in my classes, I realize how absolutely backwards I have lived my life. I’m okay with it, don’t get me wrong, but man A LOT of these classes would have been helpful before I had kids. Like my Logic class for instance; learning about all the different types of arguments that exist would have been a tremendous help while my son was growing up. How to be logic, how to reason and how to be heard. But to be honest, this form of logic makes no sense in the real world, but it’s fun. 

When I started school, I took a break from writing and reading all together, well, except for my academic writing class, and academic writing is entirely different from writing articles and books. There’s commas galore! It’s ridiculous. And you have to treat your readers like complete idiots. Absurd! But, I wasn’t sure if I would ever get the feeling back to want to finish “my book”.

Every time I come to my adored ‘A Muse In My Pocket’, I would feel guilty, as if I should be studying or something, so that’s what I would end up doing. Like right now, I really should be learning about conversions, obversions and contrapositions. And if anyone out there knows anything about logic, please let me know, I could use some help. But, I have seen you guys continue to come and comment even though I haven’t posted in a hundred years and it kept everything looming up front, so thank you, thank you, thank you.

What actually prompted me to come here and finally post was a book written by Ethan Hawke called Ash Wednesday. I was reading through the excerpts that they post on Amazon and it brought back everything that I had been doing before I started school. My mind started reeling with all the things I want to write. I felt excited about it and willing to pick up the pen again.

So, I was eating my Entenmann’s chocolate frosted donut with a cup of coffee warming up in the microwave and the feeling of wanting to write again overwhelmed me. It felt possible all of a sudden to write my book while I’m in school. I know that I have had that choice all along, but it actually felt obtainable and like a great idea.

I also know that I have missed you guys terribly. I miss our *conversations* and reading and commenting on all of your blogs, I miss knowing what’s really going on with everyone.

I apologize for this rough draft of a post and the fact that it may not make a whole lot of sense or be very interesting for that matter. It’s not even close to everything I want to tell you guys, but it’s a start. I’ll fill you in little by little as to not bore you with an excruciatingly long post. But seriously, I have to study a bit before the anxiety eats a hole through my stomach. I just wanted to get something up here and to let you guys know I’m alive, well and back.

~Live Happy