Shay was a vivacious, curious child. She is a free spirit but it’s hindered by all of the voices from the past. Shay had a heart that spoke loud and clear to her and she always listened to it without question. There was no difference between her heart and her mind, they were in perfect alignment with each other. It never mattered to her much what others said; teachers, mom, grandparents, etc… Although, she liked what her grandfather had to say because she respected him and he protected her and allowed her to be who she was.
Shay lived in the moment, as most children do, regardless of the grown-ups always trying to pull her out of it. She wasn’t big on rules but she would never cause harm. She wanted to be friends with everyone and didn’t understand the pettiness that went on to cause her friends and family to fight with each other or get mad at her.
To Shay, life was magical. She holds a secret that many forget. Life is meant to be fun and lived to the fullest. Anyone can do anything they want. Life was a wonderful gift and Shay was determined to explore every aspect of now and waste no time with meaningless chatter about history and algebra. She didn’t care how a plus b equaled c. She didn’t care that a guy named Christopher Columbus discovered America; maybe. She could have cared less about the extensive detail of any war that ever took place. And most of all, Shay couldn’t understand how anyone could teach anything and name it as fact, when they weren’t there to experience it themselves. Her most prominent thought was usually, How do you know? You don’t know. You weren’t there. Shay wanted to explore and live in what our predecessors made possible. That’s how she would show her appreciation to them. She would live to the fullest in her freedom.
She ignored and avoided anything that seemed to cause strife and anger; which was almost everything. Shay could not stand negativity. It seemed the world was overrun by these types of people. This left Shay alone quite a bit and she didn’t like to be alone. But she would rather be alone than surrounded by assassins.
Shay had a very strong and powerful way about her that she was unaware of. Shay disagreed with her mother most of the time; or maybe it was that her mother disagreed with her. She couldn’t understand why the mom would come home every day, miserable and angry, complaining and crying about her job and the people she worked with. Shay couldn’t comprehend why the mom would go back to a place every single day that she hated. Why didn’t she do something she loved?
As a result of her view on life, Shay was continually treated as if something was wrong with her while growing up. When she became a teenager, she was pretty well programmed subconsciously to feel as if she were defunct and irreparable from the inside out. This is when her mind and heart separated. She began receiving conflicting messages within herself. As she got older, she was in conflict a lot with her view of the world and the way others saw it. Things became more difficult for Shay and it wasn’t fun anymore. Her self-confidence started to decline and she was angry a lot of the time. They had succeeded in breaking her spirit and she didn’t even know it.
In 7th grade she met someone that understood her and seemed to bring the fun back. She smoked her first joint with B. This is where things really started to go downhill for Shay. She found an escape from the misery at home and she wasn’t willing to let it go. This led to a series of erroneous events that included, rehab, medication, an overdose, more rehab, plenty of arrests and eventually leaving home. She was determined to find the joy that she knew existed in life. She also knew she wouldn’t find it living with her mother and her mother’s husband. This is where she began her journey of self-exploration, many mistakes and finding her own happiness; so she thought.
Because Shay had little coping skills and lack of direction she had to find things out the hard way. Life was not turning out the way she wanted. Living an oxymoron of a carefree, confident junkie was not what Shay had in mind for her life. Still not caring what people think and still not big on following the rules, Shay does what she wants. Yet another phase in her life of self-exploration because she decides once again, that this is not the life she was meant to live. She had visions of her life and this wasn’t it. She knew she could have it all, she just didn’t know how. But she was ready to learn once again.