Holy Crap! I haven’t had a good nights sleep in I don’t even know how long. I have never experienced anything like this before. I am becoming delirious. I have to say, it’s the best ‘free’ high you can get though. But it is kind of infringing on my ability to produce, well, anything other than a mess.
I am paranoid and jump at things that aren’t there. This is worse than my usual state of mind. I have tried almost everything. I go to bed and I am absolutely exhausted. I lay there with a headache and so tired that I can hear the silence pounding in my head with cotton balls stuffed behind my eardrums. My body can barely move but it’s buzzing with some type of subtle alien energy.
I try to meditate myself to sleep and sometimes it works, but I wake up after about ten minutes and then the panic will kick in. Over what? Not sure. A wave of heat will suddenly wash over me and I have to get up and pace. I’ll go to the laptop but the bright screen makes me want to literally rip my eyeballs out of my face.
Read a book? Sure, that used to make me fall asleep in twenty minutes, now I can pull marathons. When I do fall asleep for the final time, it’s not very restful. I feel as if I have been on a week-long binge. Now, for those of you who have not had the fortunate experience of being on a week-long binge, it really sucks ass and you’re brain is utter mush. I’m sure most of you have had a hangover though, right? Multiply that by ten. Okay, not really, but it sucks when it goes on for days.
I want to be able to just ‘go with’ whatever this little phase my body is going through, but I can’t sleep past 10am. And when I go to sleep at 5am, that isn’t nearly enough sleep for me. Maybe I could do that if it were for a couple of nights, but it’s been over a week now and I’m done with this bullshit.
There has been a really cool show on Animal Planet though called Wild Recon. It’s been keeping me entertained into the wee hours. Right now it’s a show about big cat attacks in South America. Pretty cool.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the headaches. The truth is that I hate not being able to control this. I know it will pass, but not in my time. Maybe I should just try pulling an all nighter, getting through the day and then maybe I’ll be able to sleep the next night.
Maybe it’s the psychological way my body is telling me to finish my first draft already! For Christ Sake! I’ve been avoiding that like the plague. Poor Shay. She is waiting so patiently for me to finish her story. And she’s in the middle of a crisis right now. Real nice.
Oh man, I wish I still smoked. I would sit up all night and smoke and write and write and smoke. It would be glorious. But… that’s not gonna happen so I’ll just have to write. Isn’t there a vice that exists that’s not going to give me lung cancer, cirrhosis, an enormous ass, a negative bank account balance, VD or a jail sentence? WTF?
Has this ever happened to any of you? Do tell.
Here’s another clip from you tube.
This entire movie is one great line. Every scene is phenomenal.