I’ll get plenty of sleep when I’m dead

Holy Crap! I haven’t had a good nights sleep in I don’t even know how long. I have never experienced anything like this before. I am becoming delirious. I have to say, it’s the best ‘free’ high you can get though. But it is kind of infringing on my ability to produce, well, anything other than a mess.

I am paranoid and jump at things that aren’t there. This is worse than my usual state of mind. I have tried almost everything. I go to bed and I am absolutely exhausted. I lay there with a headache and so tired that I can hear the silence pounding in my head with cotton balls stuffed behind my eardrums. My body can barely move but it’s buzzing with some type of subtle alien energy.

I try to meditate myself to sleep and sometimes it works, but I wake up after about ten minutes and then the panic will kick in. Over what? Not sure. A wave of heat will suddenly wash over me and I have to get up and pace. I’ll go to the laptop but the bright screen makes me want to literally rip my eyeballs out of my face.

Read a book? Sure, that used to make me fall asleep in twenty minutes, now I can pull marathons. When I do fall asleep for the final time, it’s not very restful. I feel as if I have been on a week-long binge. Now, for those of you who have not had the fortunate experience of being on a week-long binge, it really sucks ass and you’re brain is utter mush. I’m sure most of you have had a hangover though, right? Multiply that by ten. Okay, not really, but it sucks when it goes on for days.

I want to be able to just ‘go with’ whatever this little phase my body is going through, but I can’t sleep past 10am. And when I go to sleep at 5am, that isn’t nearly enough sleep for me. Maybe I could do that if it were for a couple of nights, but it’s been over a week now and I’m done with this bullshit.

There has been a really cool show on Animal Planet though called Wild Recon. It’s been keeping me entertained into the wee hours. Right now it’s a show about big cat attacks in South America. Pretty cool.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the headaches. The truth is that I hate not being able to control this. I know it will pass, but not in my time. Maybe I should just try pulling an all nighter, getting through the day and then maybe I’ll be able to sleep the next night.

Maybe it’s the psychological way my body is telling me to finish my first draft already! For Christ Sake! I’ve been avoiding that like the plague. Poor Shay. She is waiting so patiently for me to finish her story. And she’s in the middle of a crisis right now. Real nice.

Oh man, I wish I still smoked. I would sit up all night and smoke and write and write and smoke. It would be glorious. But… that’s not gonna happen so I’ll just have to write. Isn’t there a vice that exists that’s not going to give me lung cancer, cirrhosis, an enormous ass, a negative bank account balance, VD or a jail sentence? WTF?

Has this ever happened to any of you? Do tell.

Here’s another clip from you tube. 
This entire movie is one great line. Every scene is phenomenal.

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16 thoughts on “I’ll get plenty of sleep when I’m dead

  1. Oh, you should complain. Not fer nuttin (she types through a haze of cigarette smoke), but I'm reading you at 3 in the AM, with notepad open, earphones on to transcribe a phone interview–and not wake the rest of the house, a cup of hot tea, another notepad open with a review that I've been trying to edit for two weeks because if I publish it as is I'll have to change my name to The Review Bitch (actually that's kinda cool heheh) and an unfinished email to you, sending it as is. I give!
    I still need to do my template change and put up a promised post for a lady with breast cancer who used one of my templates.

    I can't sleep, work drama, vertigo and deadlines. When I finally do crash I crash hard!

    I'm feeling you on the delirium.
    Reminds me of Runaway Train by Soul Asylum “So tired that I couldn't even sleep.”
    And I have to work tomorrow.

    When this deadline is up we'll have to spend some time playing. I think we could both use it.

    This is living my dream???

  2. Okay, well I'm responding at 3:05am.
    It's not so much the lack of sleep as it is not knowing what in the hell is going on with me. But that line pretty much sums it up. So tired I can't sleep.

    I'd like to see the best friend post. And then we'll play.

    Are you not living your dream???

    If you're not, you better get started! What the hell are you waiting for lady? This ain't no dress rehearsal, ya know. 😉
    Now get back to work.

  3. You're not alone honey.

    Perhaps it's all the stories running around in our brains? All the anxiety of not getting an agent/published?

    But sleep we will – when we're so tired we can't keep our eyes open.

    Hoping you're sleeping right now 🙂

  4. ugh that sounds horrible. The very idea of insomnia sends me into a panic. I need my sleep. And of course it builds a cycle, wherein the more you don't sleep, the more you want to, which builds anxiety so you can't sleep.
    i hope you get some sleep soon

  5. Not sure how old you are but it sounds like perimenopause. I've had those exact same symptoms, and I'm turning 43 this year. Sometimes it really sucks being a woman. The insomnia, night sweats, headaches, moodiness…general feeling of crap. I have also suffered panic attacks too, which REALLY SUCK! I had to go on Paxil and have been trying to get off that shit for years.

    Here's what I've done to try and combat the symptoms: ban sugar (which really sucks because I LOVE STARBUCKS and chocolate), limit caffeine, eat more fruits and veggies, drink LOTS of water, exercise (what? umm, yes yoga really helps with insomnia), and the most important of all I DO NOT WATCH THE NEWS, EVER! It has been a long process but I am sleeping through the night and no longer get night sweats. You may have to try a bunch of stuff before you get the right combination that works for you. I wish you luck!

    BTW, glad you like the Stupid Poetry. It really does make my day when someone says they laughed. I like the idea of bringing more laughter into this world.

    Hang in there, girl!

  6. ~Wendy, I'm hoping that's what it is. Just stories waiting to break through.

    ~Falen, you're right about that.

    ~Marty, That sucks. I'm already looking for solutions. It was suggested to me to try Melatonin. It will help get me back into a “normal” sleep cycle. I'll let you know how it goes.

    ~RC, That has been a fear that I have been trying to ignore. I'm 36. Wouldn't that be really bad to start going through that so early?
    If that is the case, it's great to hear that you have gotten through it all naturally, without pills and chemicals though.
    I have been looking for a good excuse to get back to yoga.

  7. OMG. Now I'm not sure if this is what you've got, but it sounds EXACTLY like something I go through about once a year. I get this weird headache in the back of my head, I cannot fall asleep and it feels like I'm on speed while I'm lying there.

    Then when I fall asleep, I sleep like shit for a few hours. And I get really worn down and exhausted and then, after a week or two, it goes away. I asked my doc about it once and he said it sounded like some kind of immune problem.

    Anyway, you just described what I went through a month or two ago.

    Are we related?

    I hope you feel better soon. Shay is waiting for you …

  8. Gina,

    Hi, I was reading your post and realized that it sounds like you might be in a status inretractable migraine. The other thing is your thyroid might be producing too much hormone. If it doesn't stop, you should go see your doctor to make sure. Ongoing headaches are dangerous and so can thyroid issues. Not trying to scare you but I thought it would be gone by now. Let me know how you are doing.

    K

  9. The worst for me is when I am starting to fall asleep and something makes me jump up…then I'm up for the next few hours ad cannot go back to sleep no matter how tired I was beforehand.

  10. I really, really used to have this problem…and, in fact, used that exact quote with my husband.

    But now I figured out that slow release melatonin tablets combined with cal/mag/C tablets just puts me out wonderfull well. And I generally sleep very, very soundly.

  11. ~Terry, We probably are, in some strange way. Hey, have a great and safe trip.

    ~Meleah, I have been taking the melatonin and it seems to help.

    ~Kellie, They are just little headaches from not sleeping. The headaches aren't the problem. I have been using the melatonin and it has just started to take effect. Thank you.

    ~Geof, Yes, that sucks ass! I hate when that happens.

    ~Jenny, As a matter of fact, that was suggested to me and it is doing the job quite nicely.

    Thank you so much to everyone. I can't tell you how much it means and helps just to know that I'm not alone in all of these crazy quirky things I go through. Life is tough as a drama queen sometimes. But it sure is fun. 😉 You guys are the best.

  12. Benadryl usually does the trick for me.

    In regards to insomnia:
    During those foggy and hapless moments, I sometimes envision a black shadow that resembles my cat, for a nano second.

    No worries, I'm medicated.

    ” But pork-chops taste good, bacon tastes good.”

    and

    ” They speak english in What?! “

  13. Ahh, the joys of insomnia.

    I suffer from migraines and I don't care what anybody tells you, you can't sleep through them. You can only close your eyes and whimper.

    Try some mild exercise, I heard that works. Although, I am way too lazy to get up and work out. I do stretch some and that helps, with a hot shower as well. Otherwise, indulge on some turkey and a bottle of wine.

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