Day one of back to basics.
I woke up somewhat late this morning, but that motivated me to get out of bed immediately. I had my coffee, checked my e-mail and read some. Then I did my free writing. Here it is if your interested. It’s nonsense, but it’s what came out of my fingers.
Is it possible to free write and touch my soul? Is it possible to pass by the negativity and distraction that holds me back from my life? Is it possible to free write my way into creativity? I don’t know. I give up so soon. It’s cold outside and I can hear the shower running in the bathroom from the guy taking a shower. The guy who is so dishonest and self-sabotaging. The guy I used to be. Just longing for love. Selfish love. I only wanted to take and I would give only to receive. I am no longer that way. Well, maybe sometimes, but much less than it used to be. And then I get stuck at this thought because I have quickly resurfaced. I didn’t allow myself to go very and only for a few seconds. I want to stay in the corridors of my soul. I want my mind to stop scaring it off. There is a fierce battle between the two. My mind is vicious and my soul is calm. It allows my mind to take over and control. My soul does not want control. It just wants to be. It will wait until my mind can be quiet enough before it surfaces. It doesn’t matter to my soul how badly I want it to come forward. What matters to my soul is that it is safe. My mind makes nothing safe. I know it’s there. I get tiny glimpses every now and then. But then my judgment takes over and the soul goes back into hiding. I can hear it often stirring around, like someone quietly trying to pick a lock. My mind fears my soul, for it is afraid of peace and harmony. It is afraid that it will have no use if it can not wreak havoc and cause futile dreams to dissolve reminding me that they are only illusions anyway. My soul longs to take over so that I can live in my illusions in harmony with the rest of the world. “I will take over some day, ya know,” I can hear it whisper.
(The guy in the shower is my guys cousin. He’s staying with us until he gets on his feet again).
Then I got off my ass stuck my iPod in my ears and got on the treadmill. Afterward, I did my free weights workout and probably didn’t push myself as hard as I should have but I started to get nauseus, which happens when I haven’t wroked out for a while, so I have to ease back in.
Feeling some energy, I walked over to my project, picked up my 2nd favorite tool, the DeWalt hand sander and started to sand what will hopefully be a beautiful work of art. I will share it with you when I am finished. I promise.
After my mind felt clear enough, I went upstairs to shower and the ideas came flooding in. I then fixed myself some lunch and I am now preparing for my session with a coach to get through some of these blocked corridors. I have been productive today and it feels good. I forgot how much the simple things really matter.
I just want to say thanks to Terry, who inspired my list of things that I need to do to get moving again and DL for being funny because I need to laugh, Marty for doing a plethora of things that he seems to love and Kellie who is in this life to inspire women. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
Until tomorrow or maybe later,