I am writing this post today to let those who read, know what I am doing. I have made a decision to only do what I love. I no longer want to do things just to do them because someone else said so. Most of my life I have tried to be a “better” me. In doing that, I have lost who I am. Ironic, I know, but that’s the way it works. I am good enough just the way I am. I can’t please everyone, so I might as well please myself.
I really do want to be a calm, peaceful, emotionally balanced, be able to tell you the truth in a gentle way, always tolerant and an understanding human being. But, I’m not! I am hyper, deeply passionate, overly sensitive, sentimental, say it like it is, have the tendency to over-react, sarcastic and can be intimidatingly opinionated at times. This does not make me bad, evil or unpure. Maybe a bit scary, but not bad.
I only want to do what I believe. For instance, I have removed all of the Google Ads from my website. I do not believe in promoting something I don’t do myself. Initially, I thought this would help to make money. The money is not worth sacrificing my integrity. I also do not believe in mass marketing and manipulating people into buying something they may not need or want, by making them believe that they need it or want it. I do however, believe that in following my true desire and passion that the “right” people will come. Very Field of Dreams, I know, but it’s the truth and you can’t argue with the truth. When I started this venture, it was supposed to be about passion. My passion. In the process, it got skewed and it became about money. Of course I want money, who doesn’t? But what I really want is to wake up looking forward to everyday because I love doing what I do. The way I want to do this may not be the conventional way of doing things, but I’m going to put it to the test. And I want you to be witness to my experiment.
I am not big on media and current events, so if that’s what you’re looking for, this might not be the place for you. I never used to watch the news or any type of media hype. And people would say to me, “Well then how do you know what’s going on the world?” My response, without thought, was always, “I live in it. I get out. I talk to people.” “But you don’t live in other countries, so how do you know what’s going on there?” they would ask me somewhat puzzled at my response. Which I was even more puzzled by their question, which was really answering their own question, “Exactly, I don’t live there, I live here.” My point is, there is nothing I can do about what other people do. I can only do something about me and my moment and what is happening in my space. And I guess if I have to explain that any further, you don’t really get it anyway.
I don’t want to change anyone’s beliefs or views on anything. I just want to be true to mine and be surrounded by people that are of like mind. I do want to change the world, but in my own way. I do not agree with alot that is going on in the world today and I will do my best to live what I DO believe.
Throughout my two years of forcing myself to watch news and what the ‘media’ has to say, I have only confirmed my own beliefs. I did this because I felt that maybe I was missing out on something. When my friends and I would get together, I would find that I was unable to comment when people would start talking about current events. As a result, I started to feel as if I wasn’t doing my part. So I jumped on the bandwagon. I can’t even go into my opinions about what I have seen on tv because I am utterly appalled.
I will no longer be watching the news and the media. And yes, I will still be able to do my part in the world without that. My first instinct was correct. My instincts usually are and I will not be denying them anymore.
I want to read things and see things that lift my spirits and make me feel good. That is when I am most productive and of my best service. Just because I may not watch the news and do things the way many do, does not mean I can’t do my part in this world.
I do not want to be confined by this box. I like to get out in the world and actually see what’s going on. I like to get out and actually DO what ever may need to be done. For me, contributing money is not enough. That to me, feels like I’m saying, Here take this and go away, I’m too busy to get in there and contribute my time because after all, it is very valuable you know. It’s like the whole ‘teaching a man how to fish’ story. I like to get physically involved. There is nothing that says you care more than being physically and mentally present.
If I am depressed and fucked up all the time I am no good to anyone. So I am going back to the basics and taking care of myself spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. I will be true to myself and let’s see where it goes. I hope you come along for the ride and maybe bring some friends.