When we are losing our minds…

When we are losing our minds what can we do?

This is all based on my own experience living my life and learning. I am no doctor, I have no PhD., I’m not a counselor or anything close. These are my own personal truths.

There are two basic emotions; Fear and Love. Every other emotion is a derivative of these two. When I am in a state of mind where I am overreacting to something I have to stop and ask myself, What am I afraid of? When I am feeling the need to control everything around me, this a sign that I myself, am out of control. Anxiety, panic, anger, it’s all derived from fear and it all starts with my thoughts.

When we think something, we create emotion in ourselves, which then leads to action, which is in accordance to our thoughts and emotions. This is how we create our own reality.

When we are thinking about something that someone else did, we are then creating an emotion to that thought. Then we want to blame the other person for what is happening, whether it be positive or negative. When in reality we need to change our thoughts; our perception of things.

Nothing anyone does is about us. Nothing you do is about anyone else. Yes, it all starts with the way we were programmed as kids. When I am having a bad reaction to my husband not calling when he said he would, it is related to a past experience. Whether it be a prior bad relationship or some sort of abandonment in my childhood. Then I pour all of this stuff onto my dear husband. My mind goes to bad places. Many different scenarios cross my mind before the uh-oh, Is he okay?, question pops into my mind. Either way, I’m pissed, which is fear. It doesn’t matter what he is doing, what matters is how I’m reacting to it. Is my fearful reaction going to make things better? Absolutely not! In fact it could create my fears to come true. Because now, when he comes home, I’m angry and yelling. Now, who wants to come home to that? What good, healthy, trustworthy man would want to deal with a lunatic?

I have to realize that I can control anyone but myself. I can let him know how I feel about him not calling, but then it’s up to him after that. If I say it again, now I’m being controlling, because he heard me the first time. I have to allow him to make his own choice after I am honest with him. Then I will make a choice as a result of his choice, what ever that may be.

When I’m in a situation where my thoughts get crazy, I stop. What am I afraid of? And then I have to remember that he is none of those people. And really, by reacting badly, we give all of our power over to the one we are mad at and they are in control of us. Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone controlling me.

It’s the same with my children. My son has been my greatest teacher on this subject. He would do something, I react out of fear, fear that he’s making the wrong choices and going in a bad direction. This started when he was little. As a result, I pushed him further and further away from me. Instead of being understanding and allowing him to make his own mistakes, I wanted to control everything. Well, I controlled him right out the door. He went to live with his dad. Now, my daughter and I have a different relationship. I’m a pretty quick study, so I took responsibility for my part with my son and did not repeat them with my daughter. Although I am sure I am making different mistakes with her. It’s how we learn. We have to trust people enough, especially those that we have allowed so closely into our lives, to make their own choices that are best for them. Not what is easiest for us. What they do is absolutely none of our business. What I do is what my business is. All I can do is love these people. And love is not yelling, or controlling, manipulating or untrusting. Love is allowing people to be exactly who they are; accepting them as is. But I have found that that is hard to do when I haven’t accepted myself. When I am happy with myself and feel good, I find that my reactions are much better and I am more understanding. As soon as I am feeling an emotion that makes me feel bad, I know that means I am out of sync. It’s not them, it’s me.

I have had to train myself to think differently. When a thought comes in that I know is going to create chaos and makes me feel bad, it’s not a right thought. I have to find the positive thought. I’m not talking about burying what comes up. I’m talking about facing it and dealing with the problem and knowing that it all starts and ends with ourselves.

I remember when I was a teenager, my mom would always say to me, “Why are you doing this to me?” I would repeatedly tell her, “I’m not doing anything to you!” Nothing I did was about her. She thought I was doing this just to make her life miserable. That wasn’t the case. I was doing things in response to my perception of things. By my mother constantly making everything about her, I was ignored. My thoughts, my feelings, and the real reason to why I was doing the things I was doing was not acknowledged. Now, as I grew up, I realized that she had her own set of issues, but by her not being honest with herself and taking responsibility for her own shit, she put it on me.

I remembered this when I had children and I always knew they weren’t doing anything TO ME. I could have made it about me if I wanted to but that would have solved nothing. What they do is about them, their perception of things. It is important that we ask them why they are doing what they are doing. We need to keep it on them and not make it about us. We can sit and listen to what they are saying and then try to help. We, as parents, are there to teach them to see things through the eyes of love. If we don’t see things that way, then we can’t teach them that. We can only teach them what we know. But we have to do what we know, because they follow by example, not what we say. This is why it’s so important to learn how to do that. So we have to think of them and ask what is going on with them. Can we help in any way?

When I am at odds with everyone and everyone is irritating me, again, I know, it’s me.

When we have the ability to come from a place of love, it has nothing to do with anyone else. It is because we love ourselves in that moment. When we come from a place of fear, it has nothing to do with anyone else. This is because we are not loving ourselves in this moment. The same is true for every individual. No one can make us happy or mad. This only happens when we allow them to. I know for myself I don’t want anyone having that type of control over me. I create my own happiness and my anger. Not all the time, but I practice and that’s what counts.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.

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9 thoughts on “When we are losing our minds…

  1. Another great article by Gina. I am reminded of “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. We are conditioned at an early age to deny ourselves personal freedom.

  2. He is one of my favorites as far as spirituality is concerned. I also enjoy Paul Ferrini and Marianne Williamson.
    Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you back.

    Gina

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog. In answer to your question, the next major event in Druid Derrick's life is the sorting out of a kidnapping. He is the unofficial and unrecognized keeper of his own law within his domain. Would you like to see some other of his exploits?

  4. A big thank you for submitting your blog to the Blogging Women directory.

    I have had a chance to complete my review of “A Muse In My Pocket” and it's my pleasure to inform you that your blog will be added to our women's blog directory.

    Make sure you watch for our monthly blog contest where you have the chance to win a spot in our “Featured Blogs” section.

    Continue the fine work you are doing with this blog and thank you for making our women's blog directory that much more stronger!

  5. G.~ I've got such a brain crush on you 😉 I love your writing.

    I've always thought road rage was a weird issue of self absorbtion. My father was convinced that people cut him off intentionally. He took it so personally. I can't tell you how many times I said to him that 'they' weren't trying to cut 'him' off. He was convinced that if he retaliated he would teach them a lesson. I told him that they'd moved on already, lost in their own important little worlds. By dwelling on his anger he was allowing them to control him, he was the one who was angry, the one who was going to be in a bad mood for hours afterwards. I learned a lot about how to 'not' be from him. But maybe not enough.

    It's hard to set the example for kids, harder as they grow older. Particularly when you see your own bad habits reflected back at you.

    My kids are becoming more and more annoyed by my reactions as they get older. My son got a speeding ticket and didn't tell me because, as he told his brother, I'd blow a gasket–and he couldn't deal with me after the stress of getting the ticket.

    That little secret passed onto me by his brother made me feel awful. Especially because I had to admit to myself that he was right. I would have. When he finally came to me about it I just giggled and said 'I bet getting pulled over scared the shit out of you didn't it? Nothing like seeing those flashing lights in your back window'. He actually perked up at my unexpected humor and spent a good hour telling me all of the details. Better for us both.

    But he's still paying the ticket.

    PS. If your computer is running slow or hanging up you may need something more than basic maintenance. Go here and download ccleaner. http://www.ccleaner.com/ It's free. It's powerful. Take the little tour they offer so you can see all of the features and then use it every time your computer is lagging. 10x better than anything else I've worked with. If you still have problems it may be your connection- too much drag on your bandwidth. Let me know.

    xx
    T

  6. G,

    You have some awesome insights on life and being a mother. I have added you to my feed and am looking forward to reading more of your posts. I too have learned how to get through life by experience and by paying attention. By the way, I found you on Blogging Women.

    Cheers,
    Kellie

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